galathea | Dean and Women | A Short Analysis

So, I am usually staying far, far away from fandom wank, but reading through several discussions yesterday concerning seemingly sexist behaviour of one Dean Winchester on account of his behaviour towards Ruby in the finale agitated me. And what do I do when I am agitated? I write! It’s always helpful to get your own thoughts in order and lay something to rest. So, I thought I’d share my 2 cents on the topic!

Dean Winchester has a lot of character traits that I would probably consider annoying, if I were to meet him in real life: He is brash and cocky, he can be crude and insensitive and his humour is questionable at times, his table manners are off-putting and he can be short tempered and violent. Not once though, I thought of Dean as sexist and misogynistic, so the fierceness of the fandom discussion caught me by surprise to be honest.

Let’s get one thing out of the way first: I come from a social background where neither swearing nor insulting or other crude language is common or tolerated. I was raised to have a civil tone and amongst my friends and family and even my wider circle of acquaintances that’s a common ground. We don’t have the habit to call each other with insulting petnames and swearing beyond the occasional 'damn' or 'shit' is usually considered bad taste. I’d say I am sensitive to crude language and in fact I am bothered by excessive swearing in fanfiction and am glad that the censors for TV shows limit the use of swear words, so the boys use a mostly civil tone. Still, I have never been bothered by Dean’s use of insults like 'skank', 'whore', 'slut' or the most common 'bitch'. Why is that?

First off, I am under the impression that the terms 'misogynist' and 'sexist' are often used very loosely in this discussion, and that they are either treated as interchangeable or used in an improper context: Misogyny is the hatred and contempt of women and is a sub-class of sexism itself. Sexism is the belief that one gender is inferior (or superior) to the other; it’s commonly used as a word to describe any kind of sexual discrimination. A sexist and misogynistic person would on a general basis detest women and view them as inferior. How anybody is able to see that in Dean Winchester is a mystery to me. Let’s look at his behaviour towards women in general:

Family
We all know that Dean grew up with next to no female influence, due to Mary’s death and the social isolation he experienced during his formative years. We know that he loves, even worships his mother, putting her on a pedestal. I guess it is fair to say that Mary embodies the ultimate femininity to Dean. He perceives her as strong, kind, loving and nurturing as can be seen in What Is and What Should Never Be. If we look at the women Dean dreams of having a meaningful relationship with (Carmen, Lisa) they all have the same qualities: strong and independent, but caring and nurturing. I’d say if we can accuse Dean of anything then it may be that he has a mostly traditional view on the women he considers as relationship material, but on the other hand he never had problems with dominant women either as Cassie amply proves.

I would also assume that John, who never looked to another woman after Mary and was a man who strongly held up values like discipline, would have never allowed for Dean and Sam to be disrespectful against women or even exhibit an all too colourful language as kids. The way Dean politely helps Missouri down the steps in Home for example, shows that they were raised with at least polite manners. So, I argue that precisely because Dean was raised without female influence and Mary was held as iconic in the Winchester household, he would more likely tend to idolise women, especially if he gets emotionally involved with them.

Friends/Other Hunters
We’ve seen Dean interact with strong, maternal, take-no-shit females like Missouri and Ellen and never seen him treat them with other than utmost respect, even bowing to their authoritative if not patronizing stance towards him. Sure, he initially shows the general distrust that he applies to any stranger becoming closer involved with his family, but that’s independent from gender. Towards Jo he develops a kind of brother/mentor relationship, based on the fact that Jo is clearly naïve and inexperienced. That doesn’t mean that he sees her as inferior, but simply as an novice. He’d take the same protective stance towards a male character.

When it comes to female hunters, we can let Dean speak for himself: "Women can do the job just fine. Amateurs can’t!" This clearly shows that Dean regards females as just as capable and strong as males. For example, he unhesitatingly supports Tamara’s wish to go after the demons in The Magnificent Seven and doesn’t show any signs of being uncomfortable with a woman being at the forefront of a fight. He obviously considers female hunters as equals.

Damsels In Distress
Towards the wide variety of females he meets as a hunter, he clearly has a protective stance, not because he thinks that they are weak and helpless, but because they too are inexperienced and are thrown into a situation that they are unfamiliar with. Still, if these women prove themselves as level-headed and capable he trusts them to take care of themselves. Good examples here are Haley from Wendigo or Kat from Asylum. He can become annoyed or impatient with civilians but again that’s independent from gender.

Although Dean is a womanizer he very rarely flirts with women he meets on the job, they are usually off limits, most often they went through traumatizing experiences and I think he’d consider it inappropriate to hit on them. In some instances he even drops any flirtatious behaviour as soon as he perceives the woman as in a vulnerable state of mind, for example he stops flirting with Andrea in Dead In The Water when he hears about her husband’s death, drops his flirting efforts with Layla in Faith when he learns about her illness or even forgets all about 'gumby girl' when he learns about Lisa being a single-mother and connects with her on a different basis in The Kids Are Alright.

Random Hook-Ups
Dean is promiscuous! He oogles pretty women on every occasion and has no problems picking-up random girls at a bar for one-night stands. He objectifies these women, but then, so do the women who hook up with Dean. Just as Dean hits on pretty girls, pretty girls hit on him, it’s a mutual approach and there is nothing sexist about two adults having casual, consensual sex. The women Dean picks up don’t look for a meaningful relationship either, he doesn’t force himself on them and they know what they are getting into. No harm, no foul.

I can’t recall an instant in the show where Dean (or anybody else for that matter) stated that it is okay for Dean to be promiscuous, but not for women. On the contrary, in the bar scene in Tall Tales Sam perceives 'Starla' as slutty and crude, while Dean himself sees her as a classy chick. While a lot of this is of course about self-perception, it also shows us that Dean never thinks derogatory about the random girls he has a one-night stands with.

So, overall Dean’s behaviour towards women in general clearly defies any interpretation of the words sexist and misogynist. He loves women as companions, respects them as hunters and idolises them in their traditional functions within family. A misogynist would show a consistent derogatory behaviour against all females; Dean on the other hand treats almost all women he encounters with the same respect he treats anybody else, based on their individual situation and character. In fact it’s only one isolated case in which we ever experienced Dean going totally off the charts with his insults and that’s Ruby. Oh, he despises Bela too, because she is the anti-thesis to everything he stands for, but even with her he never goes farther than his usual 'bitch'. What makes Ruby so different?

Ruby
First and foremost, Ruby isn’t a woman. Ruby is not even a person, where Dean is concerned. He made it perfectly clear in Croatoan that demons and other supernatural beings don’t constitute as persons for him but as 'its', as impersonal, inhuman entities. He was not only raised to hate supernatural beings in general, demons in particular killed his mother, took his father and were responsible for Sam’s death; each person he ever loved was taken from him by demons. His utter hate for these creatures is understandable and justified. Still, when he meets a demon who respects him and even praises his courage, he doesn’t quite know how to react and settles for a civil tone. He doesn’t respect Casey in Sin City but he stops being hostile towards her nonetheless.

He never reaches that level of civility with Ruby, although she seems to offer herself as an ally, but Ruby isn’t like any other demon either. Ruby wants Sam! And we all know that when it comes to Dean there’s nothing that’s more likely to raise his hackles than that and with good reason as we see in the finale. She wants Sam as a tool, a weapon for her personal agenda and it’s doubtful that Ruby cares about Sam losing his humanity in the process. So, Ruby is a demon and she meddles with what Dean values most, his brother, it can’t hit closer to home for Dean than that.

So, yes, he insults her as strongly as he can go, because she is a demon and a manipulative liar and that’s the only way he knows how to get under her skin. He uses derogatory words that are attributed to females because that’s the appearance Ruby chose, unfortunately there are no insults that apply to genderless entities as far as I am aware. *g* Besides, Ruby gives as good as she gets and behaves equally depreciatory and hostile towards Dean. I have no doubt that she wouldn’t bother with Dean if she wasn’t sure that if she wants to get to Sam, there’s no way around Dean. Also, she was the one who called witches - and by extension herself - whores, in order to compare the process of selling one’s soul to a demon to selling one’s body. So it’s not as if Ruby has a politically correct vocabulary either.

When it comes to Dean hitting Ruby: Again, she is a demon. I guess it’s fair to say that he knows that he is inferior to her when it comes to strength as well as speed. His attacks, verbally as well as physically, are obviously all about goading her into a fight in order to sweep the knife from her as well as trap her under the devil’s trap and have nothing to do with her female form. We have only once seen Dean deliberately hit a female demon/monster without being attacked first, that was Meg in Devil’s Trap and even then he never touched her again after Bobby made it clear to him that there is still an innocent girl trapped in that body with the demon.

So, no I never had a problem with Dean being derogatory towards Ruby or hitting her on account of her being a manipulative demon. I would however be bothered if he ever used that vocabulary or behaviour towards any other human being, who isn’t an amoral, cold-blooded killer. He doesn’t though and that clearly shows that any assumption about Dean’s attitude towards women based on the isolated case of Ruby is seriously skewed and unjustified, taking his actions and words completely out of context.

In conclusion: I think that the ongoing debate is in fact not really about the question if Dean is sexist, but about the question if the terms 'slut', 'whore' or 'skank' can be taken out of their historical, sexually laden context and used as general insults, in a similar manner as for example the terms 'bastard' or 'idiot', which were major offences once and nowadays wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow. I am not the one to decide that and of course everybody is entitled to their opinions on that matter, I am just very sad that one of my favourite characters on TV is slandered in the process of this discussion, without any justified reasons in my opinion.

Sometimes fandom is a very unhappy place for me!