Review for 5x03 'Free To Be You And Me'

[galathea]

Admittedly, I didn’t look forward to Jeremy Carver’s Free To Be You And Me, because I was heavily spoiled for the episode and worried over Sam and Dean being apart, so I was surprised that I enjoyed it more than I had anticipated, even if it was nowhere near as powerful as last week’s episode. The focus of Free To Be You And Me was on the exploration of the brothers' separate paths and managed to move Sam and Dean's arcs forward, and while not all parts of the episode worked for me, the positive developments managed to outweigh my discomfort with those parts.



First off, I have to say that I absolutely adored the opening montage set to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s 'Simple Man'. It may be my favourite montage to date. ♥ The juxtaposition of Dean hunting vampires and Sam working as a busboy in a bar was brilliantly edited and worked wonderfully in depicting the contrast between 'Keith’s' mundane life and the grim world of the Winchesters. I loved the mirrored movements, shown in a different context, emphasising both, the connection between the brothers and their separation, at the same time.

Sam: "People can change. There is reason for hope." ♥

At the end of Good God, Y’all Sam walked away from the hunting world, because he felt he couldn’t trust himself anymore and in typical Sam fashion his break is clean and absolute, a retreat into complete seclusion. I thought it was very symbolic that one of Sam’s first actions was to burn his fake ID’s, because it’s not only a means to detach himself from his life as a hunter, but maybe also signals a renunciation from false identities in a metaphorical sense. He wants to find out who he is now and stop hiding behind lies; he wants to face his demons head on. It’s also interesting that he chooses to work in an environment that is clearly below his intellectual capacities, but I think that the simple job in its monotonous routine allows Sam to turn his mind’s focus in on himself without distractions and he can fly under the radar and remain in anonymity, in theory at least.

However determined Sam is to keep his distance, his co-worker Lindsey manages to worm her way into his attention nonetheless. Lindsey is clearly the type of woman Sam usually favours, confident, straightforward and self-reliant, but it’s the first time in a long while that we see him make an effort at actually forming a real human connection again. Compared to Sam’s detached 'love 'em and leave 'em' attitude in Sex and Violence, where he reacted favourably to Cara Roberts’ sexual advances, but was unwilling to open up to her or form a deeper attachment, he genuinely tries to share with Lindsey. I really enjoy that we catch more and more glimpses of the old Sam as the season progresses and while I doubt that he will ever be the same man he was before, I am happy that not all of his gentler character traits are gone. Anyway, in his connection to Lindsey and the realisation that they share a similar experience as ex-addicts, Sam finds what he desperately needs, namely hope for forgiveness and the faith that it is possible to turn his life around. Lindsey demonstrates the very strength Sam needs to discover within himself. "You feel bad now? Wait until you are thigh deep in warm corpses," War told Sam and a week ago Sam didn’t think it was possible to endure that kind of temptation, but it’s the same situation that Lindsey willingly chooses to master every day, and I think Sam gained a new perspective from that example.

Sam has more strength within him though, than he gives himself credit for, his encounter with John’s old hunter buddies shows that clearly. A couple of days ago Sam was reduced to a quivering mass of bloodlust by a simple bloody knife, but when he is force fed blood by the hunters here, he resists and manages to spit it out again. Addiction isn’t only a physical need, it’s mainly a psychological one, part of the temptation of the blood comes from Sam’s own mind, from his need to be strong. In Good God, Y’all Sam allowed the psychological need to turn into a physical one, in the situation here though, Sam’s rejection of the blood was instinctive, his rage over being violated in that manner outweighed any temptation the blood might have had on him in that moment. Still, I think it was important for him to make this first-hand experience that he isn’t helpless in the face of temptation. Lindsey’s example combined with this brutal, but successful, confrontation with his 'poison' were exactly what Sam needed on his first steps to a full recovery from his addiction. Furthermore, Sam acknowledged his own inner darkness in Good God, Y'all and he is confronted with that darkness here again, when his rage threatens to overwhelm him and nearly pushes him into killing one of the hunters who attacked him. Upon seeing his darkness reflected in Lindsey's fearful expression though, Sam manages to rein in his rage and back down. It's another successful lesson in self-control that Sam desperately needed.

The struggle with his addiction and his inner darkness are only two facets of Sam’s problems though, his struggle with his own guilt and self-loathing is another. He holds himself singularly responsible for starting the apocalypse and hence he feels that every death that results from that battle is on him. The feeling of guilt must be overwhelming, and I like that Sam doesn’t use Dean’s culpability in Lucifer’s escape - or that of the angels and demons for that matter - as a means to alleviate that guilt on his shoulders. In the end it’s of no consequence what others might have done or not, it doesn’t change the choices he has made and he takes full responsibility for those choices. I think just like Dean tries to overcome his own guilt by actively fighting the apocalypse, the only way for Sam to come to terms with his choices, is to join his brother in that fight as soon as he feels that he can be an asset instead of a danger to it. Unfortunately the fact that no matter how far Sam runs, the fight always finds him anyway, indicates that he might not be allowed to deal with his problems in his own time, before he is forced back in the field. That’s at least consistent in as much as neither of the brothers were ever allowed to catch a break, even when they needed it the most, emotionally and/or mentally.

Lucifer: "You’re the one, Sam. You’re my vessel. My true vessel."

Lucifer’s attempt to use Jessica to manipulate Sam into a despondent state of mind that would make him more susceptible to his advances was the same method he used on Nick to get him to give his consent to being possessed. I really like how Lucifer’s gentle outward demeanour is contrasted by his cruel psychological torture methods, it makes him so much creepier than open menace ever could. Anyway, we know from When The Levee Breaks how much of the guilt over Jessica’s death Sam still carries with him and that he always felt that there was something dark inside him. "Truth is, even in Stanford, deep down, I never really fit in." Sam already stated back in Skin, admitting that on some level he always knew that he is a freak, but it was only after Dean’s deal for his life that fear, anger and grief fuelled that darkness within him and allowed it to surface. Lucifer’s attempt to twist Sam’s acceptance of his guilt and his inner darkness into acceptance of an unchangeable fate is cleverly played. In the end though Sam chooses the connection to a real woman over the false image of his dead love and rejects fatalism and self-destruction for hope and the will to change. And I think it was important that Sam made that rejection before he knew that it was Lucifer who tries to manipulate him.

So it was all the more devastating that Sam’s newly found hope was crushed so badly by Lucifer’s reveal that Sam is his true vessel and that he still has a role to play in the apocalypse. Lucifer’s calm insistence that no matter how much he might resist right now, Sam will eventually give in, because it is in his nature to do so, is very obviously designed to undermine Sam’s sense of self-determination and it visibly works, especially since Sam is in such a vulnerable state of mind already. The threat to just bring Sam back, in case he kills himself in order to escape serving as a vessel, was especially cruel here. It takes Sam's basic control over his body away, and in a way this isn't much different from Dean's experience in hell, where the knowledge that he can't ever escape the torture, if only by taking his life, surely was the key in breaking his spirit. I think though that if the debacle with Ruby taught Sam anything then it’s that he can never allow himself to be manipulated and used ever again, and I hope that just like he finds the strength within him to say 'no' to his addiction, he keeps on saying 'no' to Lucifer.

Some words on Sam as Lucifer’s vessel:
I was already speculating back in The Rapture that the unique composition of Sam’s blood that was achieved when Azazel infused him with his demonic blood makes him a possible candidate as Lucifer’s vessel. I think it works well within the mythology of the show that Azazel created the key for Lucifer’s escape and his vessel in one stroke and even if we take into account that usually the characteristics of the blood that define angelic vessels are hereditary, it doesn’t exclude the possibility of 'forced mutation' via blood infusion. What it does contradict though is the notion that Sam is the only suitable vessel for Lucifer, as we know for a fact that Azazel infused other generations of children with his blood as well, generations that came after Sam’s, and as far as we know only the generation of 1983 went through the Cold Oak death match. So, unless there was a kind of mystical transformation involved that only activated his 'vessel properties' when Sam actually killed Lilith, all the psychic children that are still alive should be available as Lucifer’s vessels as well. While I guess that it is possible to interpret Sam’s eyes turning black when he used his powers on Lilith as a sign for such a transformation, it chafes with the fact that Jake’s eyes turned yellow when he activated his powers.

The vagueness of the whole vessel mythology and the friction with rules/events that came before is frustrating to say the least. While I can see at least a line of cause and effect in Sam’s story that lead to him being Lucifer’s vessel, Dean’s exact nature as Michael’s vessel still remains unexplained. Also, in Sympathy For The Devil Zachariah insinuated that there is only one special vessel for every angel, but now we learn that the angels are able to find alternatives if necessary, sub-optimal alternatives, but alternatives nonetheless. So, theoretically Lucifer and Michael should be able to confront each other in different vessels as well. Although, to be honest, the fact that Lucifer and Michael would even need human vessels in order to fight against each other doesn’t make much sense to me in the first place.

In any case, consistency issues aside, while I do see the appeal in the symmetry of this set-up of Sam as Lucifer’s vessel and Dean as Michael’s vessel and in the possibility of an epic confrontation between the brothers as angels, I really, really hope that it will never come to pass. One of the core messages of the show has always been that the humans are the real heroes of the story, that however under-equipped and outmatched they may seem, they keep their integrity and fight for humanity on their own terms, and I feel that this core message would be undermined if in the end Sam and Dean would simply serve as angelic conduits. It reduces them to passive tools, to human sacrifices for the greater good, and I would hate to see them go out that way. The brothers have been instrumental to other people's plans for the last four seasons and I really would like to see them breaking out of that pattern and take their destiny in their own hands. Admittedly though I don’t really believe that Kripke will veer so far from his original message. I mean, when did anything in Supernatural ever play out as it seemed at the beginning of the season? The fact that Kripke spills the supposed game plan so early in S5 makes me think that he has a couple of aces up his sleeve that will turn the season around later on.

Dean: "I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy."

To me Dean’s story in Free To Be You And Me is one long, subtle struggle to find contentment in his separation from Sam, but failing to do so. I thought it was very telling that the opening montage of Dean hunting was very reminiscent of Dean in Bloodlust - especially the gruesome beheading of the vampire on the hood of the Impala and his blood-splattered face afterwards - where he is unable to cope with John’s loss and vents his pent-up anger and grief in a violent tailspin. Dean might rationally understand that going separate ways is the best for Sam as well as for him at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that he easily manages to cope with that separation emotionally. I think the anger he feels over Sam’s betrayal expresses itself in his grim and determined stance, but the grief over losing his brother is also apparent, in the wistful look at the empty seat beside him. He misses Sam, he misses the human companionship, even if he isn’t ready to admit it to himself, and the fact that Dean asks Castiel to return the amulet that symbolises the connection between him and Sam first thing and that he emphasises to the angel that the separation from Sam is only temporary, shows that clearly.

Dean is a social person by nature, he can hunt alone, but it’s not what he prefers, on the contrary, it’s what he tried to avoid all his life. So, it’s no surprise that he visibly lightens up in attitude and demeanour as soon as he teams up with Castiel. Dean likes the feeling to be needed and while he might have no interest in helping the angel with his search for God, he cannot dismiss Castiel’s urgent plea for his help, because it appeals to his caretaker instincts. Dean’s behaviour towards Castiel throughout the episode is very big brotherly, he takes charge when Castiel is clearly out of his element, he tries to get his friend laid and gives him a heartfelt pep-talk about faith, when Castiel is depressed after their encounter with Raphael. We have seen Dean act like this with Sam many times throughout the show and that he transfers this attitude to his interaction with Castiel is yet another sign to me, how deeply Dean misses his brother at his side. That’s not to say that Dean tries to consciously replace Sam with Castiel, but just like Sam makes a tentative connection with Lindsey and finds a new perspective in their shared experience, Dean’s connection to Castiel allows him a reprieve from his loneliness and start a healing process.

However, it’s visible that the success in finding real companionship with the angel is limited at best. The angel’s naiveté, his limited emotional accessibility and range, as well as his at times aloof demeanour make it difficult to find a level on which Dean can relate to him. Dean’s various attempts at humour fall flat with Castiel - by the way, I really love Dean’s little frustrated expressions whenever Castiel fails to just get a pop culture reference - which makes it difficult for Dean to establish a congenial relationship with him, and the angel is too self-contained and autonomous in his actions to function as a real interdependent partner for Dean. Dean needs a partner who knows the ropes, someone who has his back and whom he can play off of, he also needs a friend whom he can relate to on a personal level, and for all that Castiel is an ally and tentative friend in his own right, he is not able to fill that particular place in Dean’s life. And I think that’s the reason why after all is said and done, Dean still defines himself as alone, even with Castiel sitting right there at his side.

I think Dean’s end conversation with Castiel was very telling and not at all what it seems to be on the surface, namely Dean rejecting Sam or devaluating his importance in his life. I find it understandable that right this moment Dean feels lighter without the responsibility and constant worry for Sam, after all, he carried that self-imposed task ever since he was four years old. The fact that Dean doesn’t have the same deep emotional ties to Castiel and that he doesn’t share the same burdensome past with him is precisely the reason why he feels he can have more fun with the angel than with Sam at the moment. I think it’s not all that different to Sex and Violence, where Dean easily bonded with Nick, over music and cars, when he missed Sam as a friend in his life, or to the fun and joy he shared with Sam himself in It’s A Terrible Life, when they were both unburdened by their troublesome past and could simply enjoy each other’s company. The connection to his brother and his need for Sam, or at least the Sammy he knew and trusted, at his side is still there, that shone throughout the episode for me, it’s simply buried underneath a lot of ballast that accumulated over the last couple of years.

I also think that Jensen’s acting clearly shows that Dean is deep in denial when he states that he is happy to be alone and without his family. His little laugh is self-deprecating, the smile never reaches his eyes and falls as soon as Castiel disappeared, his voice is flat and his whole demeanour conveys anything but happiness, it’s a lot of resignation and a hint of bitterness. Dean is not at all ready at the moment to grow past his anger towards Sam, which is not surprising at this stage, and he is also not ready to admit how much he misses his brother, so he hides behind his usual defence mechanisms and that saddens me. Mainly because Dean has become so open with himself as well as the people around him lately, and I feel that his denial is a small step back from that. I hope the next episode will give him the opportunity to move forward in his development.

Dean: "So, I’m your bullet shield!"
Castiel: "I need your help. Because you are the only one, who’ll help me."

Given the fact that I was really apprehensive at the prospect of seeing Dean and Castiel work together, it was surprising how much I enjoyed their scenes together, well, most of them anyway. I really loved how Castiel approached Dean in the motel. Dean’s initial irritation at Castiel approaching him and his unwillingness to assist him on his search for Raphael forces Castiel to drop his confident façade and show just how vulnerable he is in his current position as a renegade angel. I think Castiel turning to Dean is not really motivated by his need to protect himself from Raphael’s wrath with a human shield, but mostly by his need for guidance and company. He is lonely and he doesn’t know how to cope with that, a situation that Dean can only too well relate to. It’s this honest vulnerability on Castiel’s side that Dean responds to and makes him commit to the angel’s mission and that’s a very typical Dean reaction. ♥

The scene where Dean and Castiel try to covertly interrogate the deputy about the whereabouts of the archangel Raphael was absolutely hilarious. Dean taking charge when it becomes clear that Castiel is completely clueless about how to handle the situation and his efforts to minimise the damage Castiel causes to their credibility by rambling about angels and demons was very amusing to watch. I think the scene fit very well within the context of the episode and worked fine within the confines of those characters. However, there were few scenes in the show’s run over the last 4+ years that I loathed as much as I loathed the scene with Castiel and Dean visiting a brothel. I think it was sleazy and distasteful. While I buy that Dean finds it appealing to have a relaxing night out with beer and loose women, not least in an effort to 'humanise' Castiel and find a common entertainment that allows them to bond as friends, I consider the whole scene as out of character for either character. We know from Sin City that Dean never pays for prostitutes, he prefers to hit on attractive girls in bars instead, and in Provenance we have even seen him successfully attract women for him and Sam at the same time, something he could easily do for Castiel as well. So, Dean dragging the angel to a brothel is awfully low, even for Dean's standards and makes him look sleazier than usual. Despite his womaniser tendencies, Dean has always been depicted as respectful and affectionate towards the women he 'scores' for a one-night-stand.

I think for Castiel the scene is even more out of character: The moment Castiel starts to fidget around in embarrassment, when Dean mentions his experience with women, his demeanour completely stops to ring true for me. Not only do we know from Anna's description of angels in Heaven and Hell that angels don't have sex, I also don’t buy that Castiel would cower in a corner, overcome by shyness and drowning his nervousness in beer, when confronted with a woman. Being blissfully oblivious, maybe, making a righteous stand for virtuousness, sure, but being reduced to a sweating teenage virgin, uhm no. While we know from Anna that human intimacy is fascinating to at least some angels, I never got the impression that Castiel had any such leanings, he always stroke me more as the ethereal type of angel, unconcerned by earthly desires.

Apart from my dislike with how the scene was played in general, I think I find it most regrettable that the writers chose to waste that time on a cheap laugh instead of having a moment of honesty between the characters. Castiel’s intent to use his last night on earth in quiet contemplation would have been an excellent opportunity for him to finally come clean with Dean and admit to his own flaws and wrong choices in the days before Lucifer was set free. I really lost all hope by now that the writers will ever address that problem. Also, I have no interest at all in seeing a 'humanised' Castiel, especially not as a source for cheap comic relief. The trope of the non-human creature that develops its own humanity is way overdone, and aside from Castiel’s struggle with faith, I enjoy especially the otherworldly aspect of Castiel’s persona the most, because it builds such a fascinating contrast with Dean’s own very earthly character.

Uhm, sorry for that ramble, but I really dislike that scene.

One last observation: I think the symmetries in the episode were particularly interesting. Both brothers started out as isolated in the beginning of the episode and then made a connection to the first person who seemed suitable as a friend and companion. And while both brothers found what they needed in that connection, i.e. Dean some light-hearted fun and carefree laughter and Sam hope and the possibility of change, at the end of the episode Dean is alone and unhappy and Sam is alone and scared. Maybe the underlying point of the episode was that both brothers cannot be truly whole, cannot be themselves, unless they are with each other and although that’s not the kind of development I wanted after Good God, Y’all I can get behind that, as long as it doesn’t feel like they only get together again, because there is no alternative and/or they cannot make it on their own. In that context I have to say that I find the episode title Free To Be You And Me ironic, because in the end neither Sam nor Dean were free to really be themselves, as Sam was unable to tell Lindsey the truth about himself and Dean hid behind his usual defensive walls when things got too personal. Furthermore, if we look at the bigger picture, everybody seems to say that the brothers can only win this war, if they give up being themselves and become someone else entirely, namely Lucifer and Michael. So, the point that only together they can truly be themselves would serve to strengthen my belief that the brothers will reject to serve as vessels and find a 'human' solution to the war. ♥

What else was noteworthy:

(1) The encounter with Raphael was less interesting than I had hoped for, because in the end we didn’t really learn anything that Uriel and Zachariah didn’t tell us before. However, I think visually the scene was pretty spectacular and the actor who played Raphael was excellent! What I thought was different though was that beneath Raphael’s angry and forceful stance there was a genuine tiredness and a longing for peace. When he locks tearful eyes with Castiel, talking about paradise and about the devastation he feels about living in a godless universe, he displays a vulnerability that is never visible in Zachariah. It makes me wonder just how much even the archangels are manipulated by Zachariah and his allies.

(2) I was wondering if the CW raised their budget for Supernatural. Not only did they make Misha Collins a regular and offered the same to Jim Beaver, we also had three rock songs in two consecutive episodes. The last time that happened was probably in S2! And if the preview images for 5.04 are anything to go by, they even dished out some money for more expensive productions as well. I would really be surprised if the network came around to putting more money into their notoriously under-promoted show.

(3) On a completely shallow note: I guess we are all aware that we are blessed with some serious eye candy in this show, but man, Sam and Dean both looked stunning in this episode, Sam in particular. I can’t remember the last time I consciously thought in the middle of watching an episode how beautiful these men are. Maybe it was that they wore definitely less layers than usual or that the hair and make-up department was especially effective or that the lighting was particularly flattering, whatever it was, I approve! *g*

In conclusion: Free To Be You And Me was a mostly solid episode, that allowed both brothers to take the first steps towards healing. Overall I enjoyed Sam’s storyline more than Dean’s, partly because it felt more consistent and partly because I simply related better to his story of redemption than to Dean and Castiel’s search for the archangel Raphael. In any case, I am really curious to see where the next steps in the brothers' healing process will lead us.

* * *
Did you know? The original script for the episode contained two small scenes in which Sam and Dean mistake random strangers for their respective brother: Sam sees a man in a leather jacket at the bar, thinking Dean is coming for him, and Dean notices a tall man in a plaid shirt, whom he mistakes for Sam. Both anticipate a reunion and are disappointed when they realise their mistake. ♥